[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]As a therapist I have noticed a trend. Couples who struggle the most do not communicate. Learning to communicate takes practice. Don’t feel bad if you struggle with this. Do something about it! Your marriage will be better than it has ever been.
Someone told me recently about a suggestion they got right before their wedding. A loved one wrote down a few questions and suggested the new husband and wife answer these questions every week for each other. I thought it was such a wonderful idea I had to pass it along. Here are their questions as well as a few of my own.
- What made you feel most loved by me this week?
- What can I do better?
- What was the highlight of your week?
- How are you feeling about our love/sex/intimacy?
- What are you most worried about right now?
- What do you need most this week?
Just think how answering these simple questions can tell you so much about your spouse and your marriage. The other part of communication is listening. When your spouse is talking, try to follow these suggestions.
- Don’t interrupt your spouse while they are answering the question.
- Don’t be judgmental about their answer.
- Don’t be critical or try to defend yourself. Just listen and be supportive.
I’d like to leave you with some personal questions to ask yourself. These are for you to ponder on your own and are a great gauge to how well you personally communicate.
- Did any of the questions above make you uncomfortable?
- Would you feel awkward discussing these with your spouse?
- Do you feel the urge to withhold your answers to any of these questions from your spouse?
- Would your spouse’s honest answer to any of these questions make you angry?
- If you answered yes to any of these questions, then think about why.
Yes answers to these personal questions are barriers to healthy communication with your spouse. These are the areas you can work on for yourself. The more you know about your spouse, the more comfortable you get with each other. Be consistent and do this once a week. Give it a try and let me know how it goes.